Dear Dana - Parents & Family
Ask a Question
Dear Dana is an advice column especially for teens in the Monadnock Region. The column gives teens a person to ask the questions they cannot ask others. Dear Dana provides down-to-earth advice in order to help teens in the Monadnock Region.
This is not an emergency site. If you are in need of immediate assistance, please call a local resource. This may be a local hospital, emergency room, police department or 911.
Fill out the form below so send in your question. We won't use you email on the site, we just need it in case we have any questions for you!
Talk about this with your parents, or an adult you are comfortable with. Tell them how it feels to be compared to your sister. Keep reminding yourself about all the things you like about yourself.
The reality is that you can't change their behavior. What you need to do is take care of yourself and keep yourself safe. It's best not to try to talk to your parents about your concerns while they're under the influence. Choose a quiet time to share your concerns.
You can seek out someone in your community that you feel comfortable talking to. Local agencies and schools often offer confidential support for someone in your situation. Whatever you do, don't try to carry the weight of your fears alone. Seek out support.
It sounds like your parents are concerned about your safety! I know this can be hard but it’s a great thing! It’s all about trust and them wanting you to be safe. NH law requires that teen drivers may only have one passenger for the first six months. Even if your friends have been driving for longer than that, your parents are not allowing you because they care for you, not because they want to make your life difficult! I would encourage you to talk with your parents and see if there could be some guidelines put into place to allow you some options but also make them feel comfortable. Make sure that they know that you understand the driving and riding laws such as wearing seatbelts, driving and talking on the phone, drugs and alcohol, etc. If all else fails, have faith that your parents are protecting you. Your day will come eventually.
I think this is a normal fear to have as a 14 year old. This is the time of your life when you have to build trust between your Mother and yourself. Moms both want and hate to see their child grow up. I am 28 and mine still doesn’t! This too is normal.I would talk with your Mom and let her know you feel this way. Communication can improve your relationship with your Mother. In order to build trust, you have to start somewhere. First, ask yourself if you have shown responsibility by helping do things at home, and following through on any commitments you have made. If not, make an effort to show you are responsible. Next, try asking to go to the movies, or to the mall. Let her know who you are going with and when you will be back. Start with small things. At the age of 14, there are many things your Mother might not want you to do yet. Whenever she says it is unsafe or she doesn’t want you to do it, there is usually a good reason. Make sure to find out that reason. EVENTUALLY, you will build trust with her and be able to do some of the things you want to, but yet under her rules.
Hang in there!
First of all kiddo, this is your parent’s car you are talking about! So truly, it is up to them if you get to drive their car or not at all. In the State of New Hampshire, you have to be at least 15 ½ years old and with a licensed driver of at least 25 years of age in the car. Please check the NH Department of Motor Vehicles to make sure that is correct and to check on all other driving laws in New Hampshire.
Understandable that this puts you in a hard position! I do think that it is beneficial for everyone to be honest with their parents and have open communication with them. Doing this usually only makes you closer and builds trust between you and them. There are a number of reasons why your mom might not want you to see a therapist such as: transportation, insurance, money, and possibly feeling like you don’t trust her with your feelings.
An option might be to talk with another adult (school counselor, relative, neighbor, family friend, or friend’s parent) that might be able to give you guidance, or talk with your mom about why you would benefit from seeing a therapist. School counselors are a great resource.
If you truly do not feel you can talk with anyone other than a therapist about what is wrong, try telling her that it is important to you to see a therapist to help you sort out your feelings and learn ways to manage them rather than act out in negative ways and that maybe after talking with the therapist a couple of times, you might be more comfortable to talk with her.
Another option would be to have your mom go with you to the appointment and the therapist might be able to figure out a way to get you the help you need and calm your mom’s fears at the same time. Communication between teens and parents is very important in creating a bond of trust between all involved.
Talk with your mom. Explain to her how you feel. You might be surprised how much she will open up to you when you open up to her. There might be a possibility that your mom is worried that spending time together as a family might give you false hope that they might be getting back together, or she may have other reasons why this would not be comfortable for her.
Although your parents might not love each other like married people do, they care for you and your brother. If your mom still says everyone cannot spend time together, it is important that you spend quality time with each parent when you can.
What a situation to be in! Having to make this decision, must be hard for you. I would go for whatever your heart tells you that you want to do the most. If you cannot decide still, then decide to do half-and-half. It might be possible to attend half of the game and half of the dance. If all else fails, you can always attend a game another day or try to talk your school into having another dance again soon. Maybe you could even be on the school social activities council so that you can encourage more school dances! Good luck!
Try not to feel embarrassed to talk to your Mom about shaving your legs because that’s what Mom’s are for! All women go through the situation of deciding when to start shaving their legs. Your Mom might be helpful in this situation because she has been through it. She might even be willing to give you some pointers! If you still are not comfortable talking with your Mom, you can always talk with an adult you trust at school, or maybe a relative. This is all part of growing up, and it is something to be excited about!
First of all, you have some proving to do with your mom if you really want to go to this party. You need to make her feel comfortable about the situation. If you truly know it is going to be a simple sleepover; maybe a movie or three, popcorn, soda, lots of talking and yelling and staying up REALLY late, encourage her to contact the parents hosting the party and confirm that they will be checking in on all of you throughout the night. Let your mom know that she is welcome to call the parents to check on how things are going.
As we all know, parents sometimes feel they cannot just go by what comes out of their teen’s mouth…so don’t take it personally. She is being protective because she LOVES you, not because she wants to make your life miserable. Consider yourself lucky to have such a loving mother. Your mom might be worried that there will be drugs, alcohol, sexual activity, or fighting at this party. Remember, this is not the time to experiment with drugs and alcohol. This is a time to open up the trust you have with your mom. If she lets you go to this party, she will let you go to other parties by proving to her that she can trust you. If you make a wrong choice at the party, you may lose her trust.
Maybe it is possible for you to go to the party for part of the night and come home at a certain time. That might be an option where you and your mom can find common ground. If you still cannot get your mom’s permission to go to this party, I would just try to understand that she is protecting you, so most likely the party is not a safe place for you to be. Trust her!
About Dear Dana
Dear Dana is a free advice column made especially for teens in the Monadnock Region. The column gives teens a person to ask the questions they cannot ask someone they know. Dear Dana will review questions received. The question and answer will be anonymously posted on the web for others to see.
Dear Dana realizes how hard you work on your letters and how important the issue is to you and she wants to ensure you get the attention you deserve. Dear Dana provides down-to-earth personal advice in order to help teens in the Monadnock Region.
Dear Dana is from the Monadnock Region. She has seven years of experience working with kids from 5-18 years old. She understands the difficult situations that come up in teenagers' lives these days. Please feel free to write her and she will do her best to give her carefully thought out opinion.
You can contact Dear Dana at email@example.com
Dear Dana offers her opinion on a variety of teen subjects. While Dear Dana will give careful consideration to your question, it is just one opinion and not expert or professional advice. Please consider other sources of assistance; the names and contact information of people and agencies can be found at our resource listing. Dear Dana is not liable or responsible for the results of following her advice in any given situation. You can contact Dear Dana at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
For each visitor to our web page, we ensure that confidentiality and privacy is maintained and adhered to. We do not collect the email addresses and no email address is shared with any other source. No names or emails will be used in association with any letters printed. We may collect demographic information. You will receive an automatic response to any email sent to Dear Dana that is designed to address any immediate needs. If our policy changes we will update this privacy statement immediately. You can contact Dear Dana at: email@example.com.