Dear Dana - Relationships
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Dear Dana is an advice column especially for teens in the Monadnock Region. The column gives teens a person to ask the questions they cannot ask others. Dear Dana provides down-to-earth advice in order to help teens in the Monadnock Region.
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If you are in a relationship with someone and you made an agreement about not seeing other people, you are breaking someone’s trust if you do. Would you really want to do this to someone you like? Would you want someone to do this to you? Remember, it is up to you whether you act on your feelings or not.
If you are sure that you want to end your relationship, then you need to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend yourself before he or she finds out from someone else. It is important to be honest and to speak with your boyfriend/girlfriend privately, unless you are afraid of them. In that case, speak with a trusted adult about your situation.
First of all, you are 13, what does “ask him out” mean anyway? I think you should always be courageous and be yourself, so if you want to ask him out, then go for it! Don’t wait around playing hard to get if you like him. He might be waiting for you to ask him. Maybe asking if he wants to meet you at a dance or see a movie with you and your friends. GO FOR IT!
Either way could be true! The best way to find out if someone likes you is to ask them and watch the way they treat you. Also, if you like someone, go for it and do not listen to those boys thoughts on what you should do! I have always heard that if boys pick on you, that means they like you!
I know that sometimes it is hard to speak up and express your feelings to other people. As you get older, that courage will grow and you will be able to do it a little more. For now, the best way is to see if he might want to talk with you or sit next to you at a school game or assembly, or maybe to play a game on the playground at recess. If he says he will, then it is likely that he likes you. If he says no, then maybe he just isn’t ready yet. Remember that boys mature later than girls, so you may be ready to like him, but he might not be ready to like you!
First of all, it is totally normal at the age of 14 to not have had a real boyfriend yet. This is the age when all of this starts to happen. Second, if you are trying to find a boyfriend, then maybe it is your choice of guys that is the problem.Having a boyfriend is just like having a friend. You have to be yourself and if it is right, they will like you for who you are. Sometimes the best relationships start off by being friends. Get involved in activities where both boys and girls are involved. Just start spending time with a guy friend and maybe something more will happen. Hang in there, your time will come!
I always say, BE YOURSELF. If you are only comfortable giving as much attention as you are now, then that should be ok. Your boyfriend should understand that giving more attention might just not be your thing. If he does not understand that, then maybe he isn’t right for you. However, if you do want to show more and are comfortable doing it, I would use the classic ways like making him a card, writing him a letter, making him food, or going somewhere special with him (dance, movies, etc). In no time, he should see that you do like him, and you might become more comfortable with showing how you feel.
I can understand that you feel awful having people saying things about you that are not true. Some people will continue to tell rumors about many things in life. You need to be able to let their words slide off your back like a duck. Try not to take anything they say to heart. As long as you are happy with what you are doing, then what others say and think does not matter. Good luck!
I know how tough it can be to put your feelings out there and to feel like the other person doesn’t feel the same. There are many people in this world that cannot express the way they feel in words. Your boyfriend just might be one of those people. You should be able to tell whether he does truly “love” you by the things he does for you or the way he looks at you and treats you. If things don’t work out the way you had hoped in this relationship, I am sure someone else will come along that might make you happy and be able to talk about the way they feel. Hang in there!
You clearly have done some careful thinking about what is right for you. Good for you! If you aren’t ready to participate in any sexual act, DON’T DO IT. It’s important to realize that getting involved sexually is a big responsibility with both emotional and physical consequences. It’s not something you do because someone else pressures you into it.
If your boyfriend doesn’t understand and respect your decision, he probably isn’t right for you nor is he a very good friend. A real friend doesn’t try to make you do something you don’t want to do. A real friend supports who you are and respects your decisions. Maybe you should leave this relationship. The pain of a break up will be less than the pain of doing something you didn’t want, nor were ready to do.
It is difficult being around a girl that likes to “flaunt” herself and get’s the boy’s attention that way. However, you should stay strong in what you believe in. If you do not want to “flaunt” yourself, then you shouldn’t. Do only what is comfortable. There are many ways of “flaunting” yourself that you might be comfortable with. Maybe do your hair differently, or find a new trendy “cool” outfit to wear that you feel comfortable in. If guys are not paying attention to you because you are not wearing “flaunting” clothing, then those are not the guys you should be talking to. A good guy will be interested in you, not your body only. I am sure you are beautiful and the appropriate guys will find that out without you showing off your body to them. Stick with your values!
Seems like you might have gotten yourself into a sticky situation! I would say that you need to weigh out your feelings. Figure out if you have stronger romantic feelings for him or if he means more to you as a friend. Then make your decision based on those conclusions. Sometimes it isn’t worth ruining your friendship with someone, but sometimes people can date after they have been friends and possibly be friends after that. Just depends on who this guy is, and what you and him are like together.
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Dear Dana is a free advice column made especially for teens in the Monadnock Region. The column gives teens a person to ask the questions they cannot ask someone they know. Dear Dana will review questions received. The question and answer will be anonymously posted on the web for others to see.
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